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DMG ISSUES CHANGES; IGNORES SAFETY PONY CONCEPT

HOMOLOGATION, WI (VPI) Hey, I'll bet, being the shrewd reader you are, you have noticed that things have been a trifle tense of late in the world of American professional motorcycle roadracing. This is not surprising, as whenever you have a major change in management and rules and classes and pit scooters and sponsorships and umbrella girl garments and Buell radiator shrouds there's bound to be some rough spots.

I mean, think about it. Change can be traumatic, and the Duluth Meat Grinders (or whatever DMG stands for) have changed a lot of things since they took over the racing chores for the AMA in a relatively bloodless coup. Some people have had some critiques about the alterations they've made to the series, like running starts and the whole "Buell" conundrum. The criticism waned on this V-Twin front when the Rides of Erik started disappearing from the winner's circle, but now the introduction of a new bike of dubious legality (and Eslick and his Buell are a'fire once more) has got tempers a'flarin' again.

As for the is-it-legal,-this-new-non-street-legal-superbike conundrum, I mean c'mon. How hard is this? I don't know what they problem is. If HarleyBuell wants to go superbike racing just get an old Harley VR1000 out of mothballs, stick a Buell sticker on it and put the fuel in the forks (for innovation), and Bam, you're good to go. Hey, that bike was street-legal before, right? Why, here in the Land of Ohlin they were as thick as flies on the roads, too, and even had cool saddlebags and such. I think. I was heavily medicated back then, though. Those were the days.

Anyhow, possibly a biggest hitch in the giddyup lately has to do with what was called the "Safety Car," which has nearly been involved in near-collisions with bikes on the track. This was in an effort, I guess, to drive that "Look, these are really street bikes out there" point home by pranging one of the riders with the car, probably turning left in front of somebody at the start/finish line. Groundbreaking, to be sure, but probably not a great idea.

So, because of this car problem, changes have ensued.

"The Safety Car, which used to be a Pace Car, caused problems. Complaints were expressed. Changes have ensued," confirmed Superbikeplanet.com's Safety Vest Organizer and part-time Harvard Faculty/AMA Tech Inspector Hostage Negotiator, Justice Delay. "The word on the street, the paddock and over there, near the McQueen Shrine, is that the Safety Car will now morph into the Safety Bike, which will of course be a modified police bike." Delay paused to carefully fold Evan's safety vest with great dignity, and then continued. "This bike will of course come from the greatest manufacturer of police motorcycles in the world, Buell."

Wow. Imagine that. So, a Safety Bike instead of a Safety Car, so when a racer runs into it at least it won't make the CD player skip (like with what could happen with the 4-wheeled Safety Vehicle).

But let us go back a bit. There are several folks out there, many with some seriously big trophies back in their chalets, who have questioned why there's even the notion of having a safety machine on the track with moving motorcycles in the first place. I'm hip to this query. I have no answer either, other than I have been told the Powers that Be come from some sort of background in car racing that in the past made a whole bunch of loot. Some major coin. Buckets of cash, and stuff. Old habits die hard, sometimes, or not at all. I imagine they might say, "Look, we are amazingly rich. Listen to us, and shut up. Motorcycles, racing around a track. How hard can it be?"

Indeed. So if they go the route of a Safety Bike, how will riders see it? Isn't just another version of a really goofy-ass idea?

I opened the window and shouted this question to the Four Winds, hoping for a response. Nothing.

Typical.

I then shouted it at a talking head on the TV, who, amazingly, shouted back at me about Communists in his refrigerator. Weird, that.

So I then sent a letter to the Powers the Be, and told them that if they insist on putting something out on the track during incidents to get the riders to do what you want (instead of using flags effectively as has been done since Stonehenge was just a field with no big rocks in it), they should Go Equine. I say Release the Safety Pony, with a retired jockey in the saddle and a great long horn to blow. Since this whole safety car/bike thing serves no real purpose other than apparently pleasing somebody at a marketing meeting, give the suits what they want and ignore the racers. Besides, everybody loves a pony! I'm telling you it can't miss!

I have received no response.

Typical.